Chapter 2: We Trust You

Lydia.

“Um, sure,” Chris said to me. It was like an out-of-body experience as if the words were coming from someone else.

My eyes popped open and I burst into a big grin. “Thank you!” I gave him a quick hug.

I clutched the paper with the dance information and I was smiling bigger than if I’d won the lead part in a play.  The reason was simple: I’ve been in love with Chris Howard since I was a little girl.  It was something I just knew about myself.  It was the same as breathing or walking. 

But there was one big problem: it seemed he had no clue how I felt about him. But every time I tried to tell him, I couldn’t bring up the courage to tell him. What was wrong with me? Were we stuck being “Best Friends Forever” just because I couldn’t bring myself to tell him that I love him?

Before, whenever anyone asked if we were going to a dance, we always gave some excuse, like practicing for a play, for not going. But in 8th grade, I started dropping hints that it might fun to go to one, and then we almost did dance at Theater Camp.  But he always brought up that we were best friends, not boyfriend and girlfriend, so I nearly gave up.  Now I finally had asked him, and he said yes.  This could be it. 

“Thank you, Chris,” I said to him. “I know how you feel about the school dances.”

“Well,” He said, “I can tell this is important to you. And since it’s important to you, it’s important to me. Best Friends Forever.” He smiled at me right before he pushed open the big metal door to the school.  So he thinks we’re going as friends…sigh.

We walked out of the school and down the concrete steps to the sidewalk. It was mid-September, so it was barely even chilly. All of the trees had not even turned colors yet. The red brick school slowly disappeared behind us as we crossed the street and started heading down the sidewalk toward home. When we started going to William Henry Harrison High School or WHHHS (pronounced “whiss”), it was only about a mile away, or a ten-minute walk, so our parents said we were old enough that we could walk to school. I think that they just didn’t want to have to drive us anymore, but I was okay with that.

He smiled as we walked down the street. I tried to smile back, but it was harder than I thought. “Best Friends Forever,” I finally said, and before I even thought about it, I put my arm around his shoulder.

I could feel him stiffen. My stomach turned inside out.  Why was he so uncomfortable?  Could you just relax? I told him in my mind, it’s not like this is a bad thing.

I finally took my arm off his shoulder and gave a disappointed look.

Then he turned to me as if he suddenly realized something. “Lydia, how are we going convince our parents?”

“Well, we’ll ask them at the BBQ tonight,” I said matter-of-factly. We turned off the main road onto our road, Hathaway Street. “They’ll all be there at the same time, so…”

“That should work,” He told me. “You’re coming over to my house, right?”

I nodded. Because we lived next door to each other, we can split our time between the two houses. While I liked going to my house, I preferred doing homework at his because it was without the distraction of my little brother Mark. Mark was all right, I guess. He always sort of wanted to do his own thing away from us, which I liked and didn’t like at the same time.

We got 125 Hathaway Street, my house, and walked past it, to 127 Hathaway Street. My house and his house were similar, both two story houses with a garage and driveway in front. However, my house had a front porch and his only had steps to the door. 

“We’re home,” He yelled as we walked from the foyer into the kitchen at the back of the house. His mom came into the kitchen and gave each of us a quick hug.

“So, how did the audition go?” she said excitedly.

“Well…” Chris said.  “There was another couple in the running that might get the part, but she said we did very well.”

“So we go to callbacks next week,” I said. 

“That’s awesome!  I knew you guys could do it,” Chris’ mom said and smiled. “Before I go to the office, did anything else happen today?”

“Well, actually…” I began, but my voice trailed off.

“We’ll tell you at the BBQ tonight,” Chris blurted.

Mrs. Howard raised her eyes, but only said, “Okay,” and walked out of the kitchen and to the office, which used to be a downstairs bedroom. We sat down at the kitchen table and started doing our homework together. We’ve always done it together and check over each other’s work to make sure we have the same answer. We read over each other’s book reports too, though we try to focus on different things so we don’t get in trouble with the teacher.

As we became lost in Algebra problems and later on, the events that led up to the Korean War, I tried to relax.  Chris was trying to focus on his homework but sneaked a peak at me every few seconds. He caught me looking at him too, and then we looked away from each other. What now, we couldn’t even look at each other anymore?

I looked at him, still trying to focus on his homework at the kitchen table in his house. Here he was, trying to avoid me even now. Come on, Lydia, he said yes for the Homecoming Dance. That does count for something, I told myself.  Doesn’t he see by now that I want him more than that? But I was tired of waiting. I’d waited over ten years.

Mrs. Howard walked into the kitchen from the back door. “How’s everything going?” She smiled at us.

“Good, we’re almost done,” Chris told her.

“Yeah,” I forced a smile up to her.

“Good,” she said, then opened the door and went back outside. We quickly finished up the rest of the questions. Now that the time to ask about the dance was finally here, I almost didn’t want to do it.  Almost.

Chris looked over at me nervously. It was because of the dance, right?  Our parents had never been asked to let us go to a dance before. We had no idea what their response would be.

 “Lydia,” Chris asked, “We’re going to ask together, right?”

“Uh...yeah, yeah, of course,” I said to him.

He managed a small smile. “Thanks.”

We put our books away and walked out into the backyard. The outdoor chairs were in the middle of both our yards, pushed together after so many years of us eating on the back deck with each other. It was a mishmash of two different types of chairs. Our family’s chairs were black and metal while Chris family’s chairs were wooden. The round wood table and the square metal table with glass on the top were pushed together in the middle. We sat down at our usual spot, at the end of the metal table. Our parents sat around the wood one.

Mr. Howard and my dad were doing their weekly “grill-off,” where they would try to beat each other with the best BBQ meat. We were served dinner and started eating in silence. Mark barely touched his meat; he only wanted his handheld video game. The parents soon became engrossed in conversation about politics, gossip, celebrities, TV shows, sports…

“I mean, he doesn’t even try to get the ball anymore,” my dad said.  Where was the perfect opening?  It seemed impossible, what with the current conversation.  Chris rested his chin on his hand and bit his lip while he waited. 

I finally turned to Chris and pointed toward our parents, as if to say, okay, now’s the time.

He motioned toward them too, and nodded, saying, yes, okay.

I motioned again, this time, I lifted my hands up as if I tried to say, let’s do it, standing up.

We stood up and pointed, at each other, as if to say, okay, now.

Okay, I mouthed. I put up three fingers, and then pulled a finger down. Two…one…

We both opened our mouths but nothing came out. We tried again. I pointed at them forcefully.  We had to do this now.

“I’m just saying,” Mom pointed out, “Tech has had an off season for the past five…”

Chris pointed forcefully back at me. Go! He mouthed to her.

“What is going on?” I heard my mom’s voice.

I turned, and all four of them, plus Mark were looking straight at us. Oh, no. Maybe tonight isn’t the night to ask them.

“Oh, that’s right.” Mrs. Howard said. “Chris and Lydia have something they want to discuss with us.”

Or maybe it is.

“So…” My dad said. “What is it?”

Chris turned to me, with a panicked look on his face. He did not look like he wanted to ask them.  I was about to glare at him, but it was my idea, so I might as well. I turned to them – and this came out, “Well….uh…we….um…want…to…”

“Run away to the circus!” Mr. Howard blurted.

The other three parents burst into laughter.

“No,” I tried to say over them.

“Wait, wait, I got it!” My dad suddenly cut in: “Lydia, you’re finally fulfilling your dream of becoming a world-famous contortionist!”

“No!” I begged again, but it was too late. They were on a roll…again.

“And, and, you,” Mr. Howard said while struggling to keep from giggling, “Chris, you are going to be what you always wanted: an epic fire breather!” He made a motion with his hands from his mouth as if he was breathing fire.

I was so mad and frustrated now! Why did they have to make this so hard!

The moms started clapping while they were whistling, and Mr. Howard and my Dad both made music that sounded like the beginning of the circus.

That’s it. I’d had enough.

“No!” I yelled. Everyone got quiet. I almost apologized, but I was so mad, I kept going. “I’m trying to ask something. Can you imagine how frustrating it is when you’re trying to ask something, but all you get is interrupted and jokes are made?”

My mom looked at me like I had completely spoiled her fun. But, well, I had. “Lydia…” she started. Oh, great.

Dad said, “Well, can you imagine how frustrating it is when you two take such a long time to ask something? Just go ahead and say it. Don’t give such long pauses.”

“Okay, okay, you’re right, I’m sorry,” I said to Dad. Chris nodded too, to show he understood.

They looked at us for a second. “So,” Mr. Howard said, “What is it?”

I opened my mouth again, and again nothing came out. What is wrong with me? It’s not like we’re committing some crime. Mrs. Howard sighed and my mom threw up her hands.

“Well,” Chris finally blurted, “there is the homecoming dance next Friday –”

“And you two were hoping to stay home and do homework,” Mr. Howard said. All the other parents chuckled softly.

It felt like steam was coming out of my ears. We can’t ask our parents anything. But if I lost my temper again, I would never get an answer, so I took a deep breath and tried again.

“No,” I said matter-of-factly, “actually we were hoping to go to the dance together.”

They all looked at us like we were crazy. Then my mom and Mrs. Howard started nodding. 

“Wait,” Mom finally said, “Does that mean you two are, or you two are planning to, to-”:

Did she have to bring that up?  Why did she have to have a confirmation?  Couldn’t we just go to the dance and leave it at that?

“Oh, no!” Chris quickly said, almost too quickly. “It’s not like that.”

Chris’s Best Friends Forever comment confirmed it, I remembered.  I sighed and added, “No, that’s not what we meant.”

“Romance is for other people,” Chris blurted. The instant it came out of his mouth, I felt like he was sealing away our fate as best friends and nothing else.  It took everything I had not to physically cringe. 

“Um…yeah,” I stammered.

We turned to them, and they all laughed again. Is this hate Lydia and Chris day or something?

Then: “Yes,” My mom said. “Of course,” Mr. Howard said at the same time. “I’m good with it,” Mrs. Howard also chimed in.

“Look, look it’s fine, really,” My dad said. “I’m sorry we’re making such a big deal out of this. We trust you.”

“You guys go have a good time,” Mrs. Howard told us.

They smiled at us for a few seconds, while they all nodded their heads.  Then my mom raised her hand.  “Hold on, we should tell them.”

Mrs. Howard looked at her in concern.  “But they just said they were going as friends.  Is it really necessary?”

The moms turned to the dads, who threw up their hands.  “We’re not getting into this,” Mr. Howard quickly blurted.  “But you know we said yes.”

Mrs. Howard looked back at Mom, then sighed and shook her head.  “Well, yes, we can tell them.  But I still don’t think it’s necessary.”

Mom turned and looked straight at us.  “The four of us had discussed what would happen if you two…became a couple.”

“…A couple of circus performers!” My dad blurted.  Mr. Howard gave him a high five. 

Mom pursed her lips the way she did when she was mad at Dad.  Dad quickly put up his hand, and said, “Sorry, sorry.”

“It’s fine,” Mom said to him.  She turned back to us.

“What I meant was, if you two became a romantic couple.  We’ve given it a lot of thought and discussion, and we approve.  We realized that you two are very smart young people and you wouldn’t do something stupid.  We want to give our approval, so if on the off chance that your relationship goes in that direction, you don’t have to hide it from us - you’re right, I didn’t even think about it until I was saying it. It really wasn’t necessary.”

She turned to Mrs. Howard, who took over.  “I want to be clear: we’re not encouraging you to go out.  We’re all happy you’re going as friends.  We just want you to know, it’s fine if it happens.  We’re not going to be mad or angry or disappointed in you.”

My mom spoke up again.  “You two are very good as friends, and I never wanted to imply you should be a couple,” she said nervously.  “Just that you two can be, without us judging you.”

“Yeah, that sounds about right,” My dad said.  He turned to Mr. Howard. 

“Oh, I’m supposed to say something here?” Mr. Howard put up his hands.  “So wait, they’re not going to run away with the circus?  Oh, thank goodness.  I was so worried.” 

The parents all chuckled again.  They were never going to let that joke die.

“Wait, I know what you’re thinking,” Mr. Howard said pointing at us. “You want us to drive you there in one of my stylish minivans.”

“Works for me,” Chris said.

I nodded. “Me too.”

“So, why did you guys worry about it so much?” Mom wanted to know. “We trust you. Have a good time.”

We trust you. It wasn’t always like that. Ever since that “incident” that happened in 7th grade, I wondered if my parents would ever trust me again.  Now they said they do, but what they really meant is, they trust me to behave as if they were in the room watching my every move. If I let them down, it would confirm all my parents’ doubts about me. Things were good with my parents now, and I was glad about that really. But there was always this tension that came with the trusting over the past two years that I could break their trust and they would be severely disappointed in me, with the dreaded, I trusted you. I thought I could depend on you.

It’s almost like they said they trusted you, but they really don’t. I know that was not true, but it felt true. Other kids said that they hate that their parents don’t trust them, but there was so much more to lose if your parents actually do trust you.

And even with the fact that our parents told us that they trusted us in a romantic relationship, Chris shot the whole idea down…before they even gave approval.  What was I supposed to do now?  How was I supposed to tell Chris I loved him?